I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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