It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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