my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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