i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
