Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
