Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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