your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
it was like eating out sand paper
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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