Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
