I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
