id be glad to
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
