her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
