flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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