She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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