I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
