I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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