dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She bit a glass in half.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
