i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize
