Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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