Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
