1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
