Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
