So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
The ass gains better be worth it
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