I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
kristin has been a bad kristin
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
