I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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