You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
