You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
