remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
