it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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