I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
