can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
