When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
she looked like the before picture.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
