I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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