If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
