I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
