This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
