I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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