I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
His nipple licking is glorious
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