I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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