I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
