38 yer olds are good kisserssss
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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