she looked like the before picture.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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