I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
