As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
