I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
