Jerry, you need to find god
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
