i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Success! We fucked roommates!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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