id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
