im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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