the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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