At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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