Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
