First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I could make wine with my vomit
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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