I feel like I'm in dance class right now
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
