so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
