The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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