I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize