Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
