my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
