Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
