Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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