I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Rumble strips road head = magical
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
