i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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