I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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