You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
