theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize