I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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