no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
