Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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