this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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