Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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