Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
