You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
