I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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