Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize