ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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