am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
The best revenge is premature balding
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
