My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
