Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
