i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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